don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you win again, gameday.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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