I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
