it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
How does one acquire holy water?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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