Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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