piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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