I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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