And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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