probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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