Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
