She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
