I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Randomize
