Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
