You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
