I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
