her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
