White coat. Heels.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
