my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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