A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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