dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
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He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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