So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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