i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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