look no pants
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
