I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
