guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
