we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i've created a new STD.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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