I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
