so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
