last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
