You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
