so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
