Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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