i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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