all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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