I want to have your abortion
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
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I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
this will be a night to untag.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
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We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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