That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
