Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
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