alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
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vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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