i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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