letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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