im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
