I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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