Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
