i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
