Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
