and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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