Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
