Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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