Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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