There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
