it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
