wat bout pragnant strippers??
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
