I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
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Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
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My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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