I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
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The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
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That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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