i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
wow bdsm is so cute
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