You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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