my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
True strength comes from lack of pants
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
