is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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