tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
